


I’ll try to be fine

by Wowzaitsamanatee



Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: Angst, Author Doesn’t Know How To Tag, Eliot’s sad, F/M, I might add a fix-it to this later, I really didn’t like the ending of season 4, Internal Rambling, M/M, Not season 5 compliant really, UGGG, anyway, canon compliant death, no beta we die like Quentin Coldwater, no beta we die like men, trying to fix the gay erasure, ugggggg, uggggggggg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:47:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25367839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wowzaitsamanatee/pseuds/Wowzaitsamanatee
Summary: Author’s angry about the end of season 4Just a snippet of Eliot’s thoughts after S4 ep13.
Relationships: Margo Hanson & Eliot Waugh, Quentin Coldwater/Alice Quinn, Quentin Coldwater/Eliot Waugh
Comments: 1
Kudos: 13





	I’ll try to be fine

**Author's Note:**

> Major Season 4 spoiler alerts, obviously 
> 
> Okay, so I just finished season 4 and I’m Very Angry, because somehow the writers were able to entirely erase queliot? Like we got absolutely nothing after ep5?? And then Quentin and ALICE GET BACK TOGETHER??? AND THEN HE JUST. DIES????
> 
> As you can see I’m very much not over it. So this was kind of my way of coping. Which is weird since this isn’t a fix-it in the slightest. But I’m think I might add a second chapter to this later, and that will be more of a proper fix-it.

It wasn’t resentment he felt.  
Okay, well maybe a little. Maybe the young, attention-seeking part of his brain felt resentment for the way they looked at Alice.   
  
His friends, who acted like she was made of glass, and didn’t think that Eliot felt the same way. But it wasn’t like he could blame them for it. No one knew, _really knew, could ever possibly know,_ what Quentin had meant to Eliot. And Margo, the only one who even knew the circumstances of Q and Eliot’s relationship, was in Fillory, sorting out some whole new crisis. She had offered to take Eliot with her. He couldn’t. It was too much. 

After a week (two weeks? Three? He’d lost count,) of rotation between lying in bed and drinking (sometimes both), he’d considered that _perhaps_ the company of someone would help with the crippling loneliness he felt. Margo would be first on his list but as previously stated, Fillory was off bounds in his grief-stricken state. It reminded him of _way_ too much. In the past, the next on his list would be… well, the cause of his problems. The idiotic, self-sacrificing man himself. The man he gave up everything for. The man he still would for. His heart clenched again, like it did every time he was reminded of another reason he missed his… best friend. 

He trudged out of his room at Kady’s (Marina’s?) loft. Everyone had been staying here off and on. Alice, who was very clearly to _everyone_ throwing herself into the library work to distract from her grief, did not often stay for too long. She didn’t disappear, though, not like she had in the past. Just every once and awhile she stopped by. Eliot knew it was painful for her to be here. 

Julia, who was probably more affected by Q than Alice _or_ Eliot for that matter, stayed in the room next door to Eliot, with Penny-23. Amongst all the shit that had happened, they seemed to be doing well. She was still trying to figure out her magic situation, and _cope with the death of her lifelong best friend_. But it seemed like she was dealing with it healthier than Alice, and certainly healthier than Eliot. 

Kady, who was practically leading the worldwide community of hedge witches into a new age, stayed in the master bedroom down the hall. 

Across from Eliot’s was an empty room. A painfully quiet and still and absent of life room. _His room_. No one seemed to be in any hurry to fill it. 

After hitting a painful wall with his search for companionship, it occurred to Eliot that he might need to make some more friends. Well, he had _friends_. He didn’t know what else he would call this wacky group he hung out with. (Family? That question was too much for his tired mind.) But he’d had two _close_ friends. He had Margo, his partner in crime, partner in _everything_ really, or up until recently. And then Quentin. The nerdy, adorable first-year he, on a whim, had decided to take under his wing. And then became friends with. And then had a threesome with. And then became king with. Then spent fifty years with. (And became more than friends with? _Too tired for that._ ) 

He had always been friendly with Alice. Even during her many psycho stages. Well, perhaps not when she was a niffin and had briefly tried to kill him. But besides that, he had never felt as much resentment towards her as some had. Quentin namely. 

But now, he couldn’t bring himself to approach her. 

Instead, he decided, he’d talk to Julia. Alice didn’t seem _right_ to talk to. Maybe he was worried that he would feel jealous. Maybe he was worried that he’d _relate._ Julia was better. He could talk to Julia. He could take the role of grieving best friend. (Instead of what? Grieving alternate lifetime partner?) He _was_ a grieving best friend. He had blown it. It was over. He broke Quentin’s heart and Quentin reconciled with Alice and now Quentin is _dead_. 

And Eliot’s broken. 

But Alice can keep her role. Eliot can talk to Julia. _Relate_ to Julia.

And Alice can be the one who’s hurt the most. Eliot can be fine.

He can _try_ to be fine.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for letting me rant through an angsty fic!  
> I’ll see what I can do about that second chapter, but no promises can be made. 
> 
> Kudos and comments are always appreciated!


End file.
